How To Overcome Toxic Habits To Live Happier, Part 1

Happiness. That elusive word gives us something to strive for, yet sometimes it seems hard to achieve. Many things increase our happiness, and just the same, many things or habits are a surefire way to take away from happiness. So I’m sharing tips on how to overcome common toxic habits to live happier.

What’s exciting is that living a happier life and overcoming these habits is not as hard as you think. Breaking a toxic habit begins through self-awareness, and as long as you are open to this, you’re on the right path.

It’s essential to identify and acknowledge what habits are negatively impacting your life so that you can move forward. Then you can start to improve those areas and, with some effort, replace them with something positive.

I’m focusing on ten common habits, five of which I’m covering here in part 1, and the other five will be in part 2.

Disclaimer: Please note this post is not medical advice and you should connect with a professional doctor or therapist if you are struggling with any mental or physical health concerns. See our disclaimer page.

How To Overcome Toxic Habits To Live Happier, Part 1

1. Letting your past control you.

We are all impacted in some way by our childhood experiences and painful or traumatic situations we have faced throughout our lives.

Letting go of painful memories and past hurt is a complicated process, but you can achieve it with diligence and effort.

If, however, you have trauma or past experiences that significantly impact you, it’s important to seek professional support.

Ways to overcome this:

• Decide to move forward from your past and then be intentional about this every day.
• Get it out and move through it. Express your pain, journal about it or talk it through, whether with a trusted loved one or a therapist.
• Another important part of this is forgiveness. You will need to forgive that person(s) and yourself for whatever happened. Forgiveness is not about accepting the behaviour or condoning it. It’s about moving forward and letting go of any lingering resentment, anger, or pain holding you back. Forgiveness is about your inner peace.
• Another step is to focus on the present and be grateful for what you have and how far you have come.
• Also, you can practice positive daily affirmations such as:
  • My past does not define me.
  • I am more than my circumstances.
  • My future is bright.
  • I will not be held back by my past.
  • I control my decisions moving forward.

2. Being hateful.

These days we are bombarded by divisiveness and hate. Not only on a broad political scale but also in our daily lives and on social media.

People are quick to make harsh judgements and cruel comments online since they can hide behind a screen.

Hate doesn’t have to be something expressed in extreme forms such as racism, sexism or xenophobia.

It can be the little acts such as not liking someone because they said something you disagree with, putting someone down, saying a mean sarcastic comment, or judging someone because of how they dress, their tattoos, lifestyle, etc.

These types of microaggressions can be incredibly hurtful and damaging to others. I’ve always loved this powerful quote, which says it all:

Ways to overcome the toxic habit of being mean, malicious or hateful:

• Be more open-minded—work on always showing grace and having an open heart.
• Try to distance yourself from judgmental thoughts by focussing on evidence and giving people a chance before coming to any conclusions.
• Think about why you are quick to dislike or judge people and work through those feelings. Often it’s about our own insecurities or past hurt that taint how we view the world and how we treat people.
• Practice self-compassion and embrace who you are. Self-love is essential for overcoming this; if you dislike yourself, it won’t be easy to show compassion towards others.
• Challenge any limiting thoughts or ideas you have about people.
• Practice showing kindness towards yourself and all people. Remember, what you put out in the world is what you receive.
• Be aware and challenge any prejudices you have, some of which may have been instilled in your childhood, whether intentionally or not, so that you can work to eradicate them.

3. Being controlled by negative thought patterns.

Does anyone feel me on this?🙋🏻‍♀️That’s a yes from me! Of all the toxic habits to address and work on improving this one should be a priority.

Being controlled by negative thoughts is a common sign of anxiety and comes in many forms, from self-defeating messages to negative self-talk and the cognitive distortions listed below.

If you’re wondering, a cognitive distortion is basically a way of thinking that’s inaccurate, exaggerated or focused on the negative.

Here are some common cognitive distortions:

• Catastrophizing: Assuming the worst-case scenario will happen about a situation or event, no matter what even if you have no evidence to support that.
• Personalization: You take everything too personally; thinking everything others do or say is somehow a direct reaction to yourself. For example, if someone didn’t smile at you, they are mad at you.
• Overgeneralization: Assuming things will always be a certain way or coming to final conclusions based on a single incident.
• Disqualifying the positive: Not acknowledging success or good things; instead, you always notice the negative about a person, situation or yourself.
• Polarized (black & white) thinking: It’s all or nothing. You don’t see the middle ground or lesson. You’re a winner or a total failure.
• Jumping to conclusions: This has two forms one is ‘mind-reading’ so you think you know what people are thinking. The second is ‘fortune-telling’ where you predict negative outcomes or that the worst will happen without considering the odds of that outcome actually happening.

How to overcome negative thought patterns:

• First, you need to recognize these negative patterns to begin to challenge and reframe them.
• Once you are aware that you are catastrophizing or overgeneralizing, for example, then examine those thoughts as they arise. Ask yourself questions such as:
  • Could this thought be an exaggeration of what’s true?
  • Is my thought realistic and based on evidence or on my feelings?
  • Am I having these thoughts out of habit or are there concrete facts that support them?
  • Is this thought likely to happen or is it the worst-case scenario?
  • Is it something that has a simple solution?
• When you answer these questions it’s a helpful step in challenging your negative thoughts and seeing them from a different point of view.
• When your thoughts are spiralling out of control try practicing relaxing techniques such as deep breathing or visualization.
• If these negative thought patterns are overwhelming and persistent, please do connect with your doctor for professional support. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is a beneficial and powerful psychotherapy to help overcome persistent negative thought patterns.

4. Over-consuming social media.

Although there is nothing particularly wrong with social media, it’s how we use it that’s important.

Social media in moderation is fine and can be lots of fun; however, over-consuming and mindlessly scrolling for hours a day is harmful to our mental health and wasteful of our precious time.

How to overcome this toxic habit:

• Balance and moderation are the keys when it comes to anything we consume, and this requires self-discipline. To help put your social media use into perspective, ask yourself these questions:
  • How do I feel after spending an hour(s) mindlessly scrolling through social media?
  • Did anything beneficial come from it?
  • What else could I have been doing with my time?
  • Did I miss out on spending more quality time with my partner, kids or pet?
  • Is there something important I want to do but never seem to find the time for?
• Specific ways to decrease over-consuming social media:
  • Set time limits and stick to them. You can set alarms on your phone to help.
  • Turn off your data at certain times of the day.
  • Try a social media detox for a week, month or more.
  • Delete social media app’s off your phone.

5. Comparing yourself to others.

We all have our unique paths and journeys. Looking and comparing ourselves to other people who appear to be more successful or happier is self-defeating.

The pressure on all of us to reach unrealistic goals can definitely be overwhelming and discouraging.

Think about all the images and messages we are bombarded with (especially women) through marketing and social media.

For example, after giving birth, lose weight immediately. When you are 50, get botox and fillers so that you can look 30. When you have imperfections, slather concealer and highlighter on or, better yet, have plastic surgery. Your home needs to be Pinterest-worthy, and life should be as sunny and beautiful as one of those meticulously curated and photoshopped Instagram accounts…it goes on and on.

How to overcome comparing yourself to others:

• You have control over who you follow on social media. Unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel bad about yourself in any way or bring out insecurities.
• Practice gratitude, being thankful for everything you do have, from your health to loved ones, home, food and clean water, helps put things into perspective.
• Help others and volunteer. It’s always rewarding to help others and make a difference in their lives, but it also enriches yours.
• Create positive mantras about yourself, such as:
  • There will never be another me.
  • I have unique gifts and talents.
  • My journey has been amazing, and I’m proud of where I am.
  • I am a beautiful person inside and out.

Final Thoughts on How To Overcome Toxic Habits To Live Happier

We are all imperfect and struggle with habits that don’t serve us and harm us more than we realize. That’s ok, though, because we can make progress and work towards cultivating positive habits that add more joy to our lives.

Once we identify which habits aren’t serving us and start working on overcoming them, we are on the path to a happier life. I hope these suggestions will be helpful on your journey to living happier.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how to overcome toxic habits to live happier and any ideas you might have. Please share in the comments below.

Photo by Kyle Broad